Having spoken to parents over recent weeks, particularly in the context of Covid-19 but more so the juggle of working and parenting within the home environment, many worries arose when contemplating educating their children within the mode of remote learning.
Importantly I emphasised that this wasn’t about home schooling which would be a sole responsibility but rather a relationship between parents, teachers and children. Certainly, the model of remotely learning will be new to many but conceptually parents will succeed and feel less burdened by the terminology they use and the perspective they take. All parents take a certain responsibility for their child’s learning, but my concern is burnout at the end of term two when mum and dad have had to balance and juggle the work-life-school-parenting situation.
I implore all parents now to take a deep breath and be clear as to the outcomes for the term. It is not your role to teach your children in a traditional sense but to provide support and facilitate the educational space for your children. I am not naïve enough to think that some children won’t require a more hands on approach but I do think that parents have to be compassionate with themselves and assess within the first few weeks how the learning is proceeding and what aspects need to be adjusted or strategies implemented for both child and parent for the remote learning to be utilised effectively.
Success for this period of time should not, and I will be emphatic about this – be about the scores and results that your child achieves. The skill set and outcomes will look very different – this term and this year. This does not mean that it is a write off but opening up to other ways of learning or traits that are not usually measured in the education framework.
To manage and be aware of the current mental load, it’s important to utilise strategies that make life easier, in the words of the great Donald Winnicott – being a good enough parent. Parenting gets a whole lot more peaceful when we embrace the parent, we are than the parent we feel we are expected to be. As Brene Brown would implore – I want you to lean into this. Release the guilt and worry, surrender to what is and embrace joy, fun, interactions and connection in the learning and stay at home remote environment.
Some suggestions I have made:
• Utilise alarms to clear the mental load on start times, break, eating and most importantly end of day times.
• Pack lunchboxes as usual and maintain within reason weekly schedule around eating and activities.
• Try meal planning/prep over the weekend. This will make decision making easier and task completion a whole lot less stressful after juggling the work and remote schooling each day.
• Create a list of alternate schooling activities that can be a go-to after hours. When in crisis and overwhelm lists are an easy point of call rather than putting pressure on ourselves to think of something on the spot.
• Reduce expectation of achievements. This is not a time to think that life will continue as we know it, just as you realised when you had the newborn that although you told yourself life was not going to change. As you know- Narrator: Life did actually change. Life is changing this term and school year. Please adjust your thinking sooner rather than later.
• Self compassion. Tell the inner critic to back up its truck and take a seat. We have much more important issues to be thinking about now than self criticism. We are all doing the best we can right now given the unprecedented situation.
• Ensure you have your “own” time; however this looks. I like to advise at least two areas of own time be that work or an interest and exercise. Both of these need attending to daily. You can not and will not last throughout this enforced adjustment if you do not fill your cup. I’m also jumping the gun by presuming a response will be – we will “just get through this time and then we will worry about attending to it (self-care) later”. That’s a hard no. You will burn yourself out before or by that stage. Fill. Your. Cup. And let’s release any guilt that may try to come along for the ride.
• Prioritise sleep routines for all. Sleep will be your best friend to ensure our mental health and coping is at an optimal level. Healthy sleep habits and good quality sleep assist with all aspects of our lives and our children’s lives. In saying this do not be stressed or worried if sleep and sleep routines disappear. Sleep is also one of the first behaviours to be impacted by stress.
• Keep open communication with teachers
• Ensure discussion, venting and debriefing occurs with parents, loved ones, friends, neighbours and therapists.
I have also included the tips I initially provided some weeks ago around parenting during Covid-19. Please refer to these below.
Mums and Dads I see you, I am you. The mental load of responsibility feels a whole lot heavier right now and usual strategies to lighten this load aren’t necessarily available. I get that. Though, right now we need to pivot to preserve our mental health. We need to get clear on our perspective to approach the next 10 weeks. We need to approach it in terms of a mental and emotional marathon, its not a sprint so therefore specific psychological awareness and strategies would be helpful to consider and implement.
“I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value”- Hermann Hesse
Parenting in Covid19 Times
• Maintain some form of consistent structure and routine
• “Coronavirus” rules. It’s important for children to understand that some rules may be adjusted at this time due to the current health crisis. It means that usual rules will return when life has some form of normality again
• Understand their pushing up against you is merely a form of regulating their emotions. It’s not personal. They’re checking you’ve got them; this isn’t their normal and they’re feeling it.
• Take the small wins for the day and encourage your children to do so as well. Another avenue for this is a gratitude reflection or diary.
• Provide FaceTime/Zoom opportunities for your children to see their friends and relatives. The connectedness is important to maintain now but also to sustain friendships and relations in the future.
• Personally, reflect and acknowledge that it is a difficult time and at times there may be a feeling of overwhelm. Know that this is a normal response but allow yourself to vent/debrief or journal around those feelings and emotions
• Ground yourself, ensure as a parent you are giving yourself time for fresh air, self care and your own interest and/or work during the day. You cannot be everything to all, every moment of the day.